I sent you a letter
It had never gotten better
I wrote you 'cause I needed to lay
This burden over
Get it off of my shoulders
I needed to rest for a day
Now you don't write
You won't call
You don't say anything at all
I don't want help
No pity needed
Just a friend who lends an ear when I need it
I sent you a note
I shouldn't have wrote
But know that I can't take it back
Won't you see me
Won't you believe me
Won't you please, please give me some slack
Now you won't write
You don't call
You don't say anything at all
I don't want your help
No pity needed
Just a friend who lends an ear
A friend who will be there
When I need it
BLF '11
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
Fear (06)
What is fear?
Simply the absence of a sense of safety
Or an active demon that crawls into your chest
And stomach
Rearranges your insides until you can't tell
If that ache is in your heart or your stomach
Or maybe somewhere in your womb
Growing like the unnatural child
Born to unholy marriage
Between fear and a human being
What does fear's face look like?
The barrel of a gun
Some stranger's hand on your back
The floor
The carpet
Colors and shapes like some acid trip
That won't resolve themselves into a coherent face
You can describe to someone else
Spikes that invade your home
Your skin
What does fear sound like?
The soft crying of my husband on my shoulder
The shouting
the shuffling of feet by my head
Absolute
Complete
Silence
What does fear taste like?
The salt of my sweat and tears
The fibers of the carpet
Then nothing tastes the way you think it should
What does fear smell like?
The cat hair spread on the carpet
The ever-present pizza sauce in my husband's hair
The cat box we need to clean out today
BLF '06
Simply the absence of a sense of safety
Or an active demon that crawls into your chest
And stomach
Rearranges your insides until you can't tell
If that ache is in your heart or your stomach
Or maybe somewhere in your womb
Growing like the unnatural child
Born to unholy marriage
Between fear and a human being
What does fear's face look like?
The barrel of a gun
Some stranger's hand on your back
The floor
The carpet
Colors and shapes like some acid trip
That won't resolve themselves into a coherent face
You can describe to someone else
Spikes that invade your home
Your skin
What does fear sound like?
The soft crying of my husband on my shoulder
The shouting
the shuffling of feet by my head
Absolute
Complete
Silence
What does fear taste like?
The salt of my sweat and tears
The fibers of the carpet
Then nothing tastes the way you think it should
What does fear smell like?
The cat hair spread on the carpet
The ever-present pizza sauce in my husband's hair
The cat box we need to clean out today
BLF '06
Every Pleasure
It's funny how every pleasure
Is spiked with so much pain
And sometimes all I can do is scream your name
It's funny how every laugh
Is tainted with so many tears
And I'm not sure if I'll last the years
Every time I look
All I ever see
Is your face staring back at me
You're in everything I say
Everything I touch
I fear it's becoming too much
But I blindly go on
Stumble and fall, but I try
Can't release it yet, can't let myself cry
It's funny how every pleasure
Is spiked with so much pain
And all I can do is scream your name
BLF '99
Is spiked with so much pain
And sometimes all I can do is scream your name
It's funny how every laugh
Is tainted with so many tears
And I'm not sure if I'll last the years
Every time I look
All I ever see
Is your face staring back at me
You're in everything I say
Everything I touch
I fear it's becoming too much
But I blindly go on
Stumble and fall, but I try
Can't release it yet, can't let myself cry
It's funny how every pleasure
Is spiked with so much pain
And all I can do is scream your name
BLF '99
DisTrust
As you lay and slept without a care
I stood and watched you sleeping there
As soft sweet dreams lead you away
and the winter wind causes leaves to sway
Gently I place myself at your side
Where I can relax, nothing to hide
And yet
Still some creeping darkness grows
Beyond the window's summer glow
An ice that barriers cannot contain
That bears on love like a speeding train
And yet
Still I hope by some small chance
There's still time left for one last dance
Though I know you're no longer mine
Still I hope, still I shine
BLF '00
I stood and watched you sleeping there
As soft sweet dreams lead you away
and the winter wind causes leaves to sway
Gently I place myself at your side
Where I can relax, nothing to hide
And yet
Still some creeping darkness grows
Beyond the window's summer glow
An ice that barriers cannot contain
That bears on love like a speeding train
And yet
Still I hope by some small chance
There's still time left for one last dance
Though I know you're no longer mine
Still I hope, still I shine
BLF '00
Crutch
I don't wanna be the light to your darkness
I don't wanna be the cure to your disease
I don't wanna be the crutch you lean on
When you feel weak in your knees
I wanna walk down the road
Of life, hand in hand
Both needing each other equally
Helping each other to stand
I don't wanna be the thing you taste
When you're hungry or in thirst
I don't wanna be something you have time for
And never coming first
You know the road of life is long
And you can't do it on your own
So when you're feeling all alone
Just remember, the wait ain't long
I don't wanna be your apple
To blame your sins on
I don't wanna be your passion
When I spend the nights alone
I don't wanna be the light to your darkness
I don't wanna be the cure to your disease
And I don't wanna be the crutch you lean on
When you can't get off your knees
BLF '03
I don't wanna be the cure to your disease
I don't wanna be the crutch you lean on
When you feel weak in your knees
I wanna walk down the road
Of life, hand in hand
Both needing each other equally
Helping each other to stand
I don't wanna be the thing you taste
When you're hungry or in thirst
I don't wanna be something you have time for
And never coming first
You know the road of life is long
And you can't do it on your own
So when you're feeling all alone
Just remember, the wait ain't long
I don't wanna be your apple
To blame your sins on
I don't wanna be your passion
When I spend the nights alone
I don't wanna be the light to your darkness
I don't wanna be the cure to your disease
And I don't wanna be the crutch you lean on
When you can't get off your knees
BLF '03
Crooked Words
Crooked words
From crooked pencils
Make my deeds crooked
Thoughts and words get taken over
By the crookedness of the world
BLF '99
From crooked pencils
Make my deeds crooked
Thoughts and words get taken over
By the crookedness of the world
BLF '99
Come Back To Me
Can't you see my hands are trembling?
I haven't had a joint in 16 days
I'm sorry that I hurt you so
I'm sorry I made you cry
So won't you come back to me
I've done everything I told you I would
I quit drinkin' and these drugs
This high ain't worth losing your love
So won't you come back to me
I can't stand not being with you
I'm sorry I lied to you when I told you
I'd quit when I knew damn well I couldn't
But I've been clean for 16 days
I told you I would be
So why don't you come back to me
I'm so sorry for what I've done
I can't stand you being this mad at me
I can see that you're only doin' it 'cause you love me
I can see clearly now, without that haze
So come back to me now
Can't you see my knees are shaking?
I haven't had a drink in 16 days
I'm sorry that I hurt you so
So won't you come back to me now
BLF '98
I haven't had a joint in 16 days
I'm sorry that I hurt you so
I'm sorry I made you cry
So won't you come back to me
I've done everything I told you I would
I quit drinkin' and these drugs
This high ain't worth losing your love
So won't you come back to me
I can't stand not being with you
I'm sorry I lied to you when I told you
I'd quit when I knew damn well I couldn't
But I've been clean for 16 days
I told you I would be
So why don't you come back to me
I'm so sorry for what I've done
I can't stand you being this mad at me
I can see that you're only doin' it 'cause you love me
I can see clearly now, without that haze
So come back to me now
Can't you see my knees are shaking?
I haven't had a drink in 16 days
I'm sorry that I hurt you so
So won't you come back to me now
BLF '98
Chaos
Somewhere between murder and mayhem
Sympathetic looks and suspicious glances
Pain and agony
I am married
Somewhere between homelessness and confusion
Being lost in this illusion
A mirage of security and safety
I am married
Somewhere between lies and interrogations
Courtrooms and a small bedroom
A small seedling, a twig
Love leads to marriage
How can I promise forever
When two friends lay dead on the floor
It just as easily could have been us
Him and me or both of us
And yet I am married
Married. . . amid chaos
BLF '06
Sympathetic looks and suspicious glances
Pain and agony
I am married
Somewhere between homelessness and confusion
Being lost in this illusion
A mirage of security and safety
I am married
Somewhere between lies and interrogations
Courtrooms and a small bedroom
A small seedling, a twig
Love leads to marriage
How can I promise forever
When two friends lay dead on the floor
It just as easily could have been us
Him and me or both of us
And yet I am married
Married. . . amid chaos
BLF '06
Black Moments
Between her hormones and her heartache, the pain's never gone
She can't find solid ground to stand on
So she falls and she falls away
She buckles under the black moment's sway
So she grabs a knife or a gun or a syringe
She grabs a bottle of aspirin
But she can't do the job
She can't just go off
'Cause of the fear that she has within
So she cries and she cries and she cries to go home
She surrenders to the black moment's comb
Its teeth sink in her heart
And they tear her apart
And she screams, "I can't do this alone!"
She opens her eyes with her nails in her fists
She looks at the phantom cuts on her wrists
And she flies and she flies away
When she's lost in the black moment's sway
BLF '99
She can't find solid ground to stand on
So she falls and she falls away
She buckles under the black moment's sway
So she grabs a knife or a gun or a syringe
She grabs a bottle of aspirin
But she can't do the job
She can't just go off
'Cause of the fear that she has within
So she cries and she cries and she cries to go home
She surrenders to the black moment's comb
Its teeth sink in her heart
And they tear her apart
And she screams, "I can't do this alone!"
She opens her eyes with her nails in her fists
She looks at the phantom cuts on her wrists
And she flies and she flies away
When she's lost in the black moment's sway
BLF '99
As You Died
Night falls on my heart
As you softly slip away
The violence that racked you
Now has gone away
Deliver me, oh lord, from this evil
The darkness and the pain
Send your angels to banish
The burning light of day
BLF '99
As you softly slip away
The violence that racked you
Now has gone away
Deliver me, oh lord, from this evil
The darkness and the pain
Send your angels to banish
The burning light of day
BLF '99
As. . .
As rugged as the peaks of mountains
This pain'll never go away
I fear I'm locked forever
I have no escape
As jagged as the eggshells I walk on
That cut into my feet
This goodbye will pierce my heart
And my greatest fear I shall meet
As confused as a kaleidoscope
I stumble and I fall
Trying to make it out alive
From these collapsing walls
As claustrophobic as a coffin
I'm kept away from you
Living like a nun in silence
Waiting for some truth
As quiet as a riverside
You are my shadow's keeper
As painful as the memories
I cut a little deeper
As sharp as the knife blade
Your love pierces my depression
You pull me into your safe, sane arms
I can now release this oppression
BLF '99
This pain'll never go away
I fear I'm locked forever
I have no escape
As jagged as the eggshells I walk on
That cut into my feet
This goodbye will pierce my heart
And my greatest fear I shall meet
As confused as a kaleidoscope
I stumble and I fall
Trying to make it out alive
From these collapsing walls
As claustrophobic as a coffin
I'm kept away from you
Living like a nun in silence
Waiting for some truth
As quiet as a riverside
You are my shadow's keeper
As painful as the memories
I cut a little deeper
As sharp as the knife blade
Your love pierces my depression
You pull me into your safe, sane arms
I can now release this oppression
BLF '99
All The Lies
All the lies you've always told me
All the love you've never made
All the things you could not show me
On that lonesome summer day
With all the things I gave you
My heart, my soul, my mind
Never to be returned by you
When you know I wasted my time
Now pass like sand
Through the hourglass of our lives
Slowly dripping away from us
I can feel it sometimes
Coursing my mind
Running through my veins
Dripping down my broken heart
As it shrinks in its pain
All the lies you've always told me
All the love we never made
All the things you could not show me
On my lonesome summer day
BLF '99
All the love you've never made
All the things you could not show me
On that lonesome summer day
With all the things I gave you
My heart, my soul, my mind
Never to be returned by you
When you know I wasted my time
Now pass like sand
Through the hourglass of our lives
Slowly dripping away from us
I can feel it sometimes
Coursing my mind
Running through my veins
Dripping down my broken heart
As it shrinks in its pain
All the lies you've always told me
All the love we never made
All the things you could not show me
On my lonesome summer day
BLF '99
Addict
She tries to hide her addiction
When prying eyes are near
But she can't help it when she needs to sniff
Those snowy powdered tears
She tries to mask the pain
With make-up and alcohol
But all she succeeds in doing
Is making her stumble and fall
She doesn't know the exit
She can't find her way out
She can't let go
But she can't hang on
There's no future
There's no past
She's got nowhere to run
But she can't stand still
But there's the question in her eyes
The plea for help
There's the dying in her heart
She can't do it herself
It's an addiction
BLF '01
When prying eyes are near
But she can't help it when she needs to sniff
Those snowy powdered tears
She tries to mask the pain
With make-up and alcohol
But all she succeeds in doing
Is making her stumble and fall
She doesn't know the exit
She can't find her way out
She can't let go
But she can't hang on
There's no future
There's no past
She's got nowhere to run
But she can't stand still
But there's the question in her eyes
The plea for help
There's the dying in her heart
She can't do it herself
It's an addiction
BLF '01
Abuse
Sky-blue like a day-old bruise
Eyes red and bloodshot through
Walking slowly though glass cuts your feet
Breathing slowly; there's no air to breathe
He takes up everything
Lipstick red like the blood on your lips
He touches you there with soft fingertips
But you know better; they turn into ice picks
Flaying your skin but leaving no nicks
He takes everything
You walk like a robot; life is a dream
You can't find your voice as you try to scream
But no one can hear you, so no one can help
And you can't remember the joy that you felt
He is everything
He's always there, you're never alone
You feel like a prisoner, trapped in your own home
No one can save you, no rest from your plight
Until you can finally stand up and fight
He was everything
BLF '04
Eyes red and bloodshot through
Walking slowly though glass cuts your feet
Breathing slowly; there's no air to breathe
He takes up everything
Lipstick red like the blood on your lips
He touches you there with soft fingertips
But you know better; they turn into ice picks
Flaying your skin but leaving no nicks
He takes everything
You walk like a robot; life is a dream
You can't find your voice as you try to scream
But no one can hear you, so no one can help
And you can't remember the joy that you felt
He is everything
He's always there, you're never alone
You feel like a prisoner, trapped in your own home
No one can save you, no rest from your plight
Until you can finally stand up and fight
He was everything
BLF '04
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